If Gillette made toilet paper, we’d be up to 4 or 5 plys by now.

What does a black policeman says when he looks in the mirror? Oh shit a cop!

Online dating is like a bakery You’ve got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

Asked my girlfriend Shanon to tell me which fast food restaurant best describes my dick. She said Chick-fil-A, which was pretty clever, but the correct answer was Wendy’s.

A woman walks into a hospital… for a routine checkup on her pregnancy. The nurse looks at her file and says “Oh! Twins! Were they spontaneous?” The woman replies “No, we had sex first.”

You should always buy very high end speakers It’s a sound investment

Good news: Your wit is really mind-blowing Bad news: It’s not my mind that I want blown

It’s amazing how few people list “The Hospital” as their emergency contact.

I was on a first date. “How many women have you slept with?” she asked. I said, “Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten?” “Oh, I say. Go on then.” she laughed. I said, “0.”

How do fish party Seaweed