How many cops does it take to beat up a light bulb? None. That light bulb fell down the stairs.

What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree? Whoa did you hear that?

What do you call a Jamaican gynecologist? A poke-mon! Pls don’t hurt me.

A duck walks into a bar… The bartender says “Hey, your pants are down.”

Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?

So I learned how to count yesterday…. It was as easy as 1, 2, 8

How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.

Kangaroo can jump higher than a house Mostly because houses can’t jump

What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child? A kid who loves halalpenos

Want a pudding pop? I don’t give a fuck if you want it or not. Stop crying. You’re gonna take this motherfucking pudding pop.