I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage.

Can’t believe there are so many songs about love and only one where someone welcomes someone else to a jungle.

TIL why windows skipped a number going from Windows 8.1 to Windows 10 Because 7 8 9

What’s the difference between George W. Bush and Hitler? Hitler was an evil *genius*.

What’s the slowest, most painful way to kill yourself? Get married.

Why did the skeleton cross the road? to get to the body shop : )

Tried to catch fog yesterday… Mist.

What is the difference between a dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

You might be a hipster if… Friend: Did you see that <funny cat picture> on reddit’s frontpage? Me: Naah, I don’t subscribe to all the big, popular subreddits.

Did you hear about the Zodiac killer? I heard he cut his victims in to little pisces!