married sext… him: I’ll be home soon her: don’t you threaten me

What kind of tumors do tough guys get? Heman-giomas

I was shocked to walk in on my son playing with his privates… Those toy soldiers were supposed to be his surprise birthday gift…

Apparently Kevin Bacon was killed last night. . . And they’re charging the shooter with 6th degree murder. . .

What do you call a cow with no nipples? Udderly pointless

Please. Stop. Tweeting. Stop. Like. Stop.This.Stop. It. Stop. Looks.stop.Like.stop A stop.Telegram.stop so. Stop. Please. Stop!

My internet bride got delivered today, she’s the WiFi always dreamed of.

My college bar had a “Blow your GPA” drink special night until all the Asian students died…

Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That’ll show em’.

The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do i