I like to eat at Brazilian restaurants because there will be no hair in the food

Why is Jennie McCarthy so bad at RPG’s? The last time her son had a healing potion he lost 15 IQ Points.

– You got so drunk last night, you were dancing on the table in your underwear!! – Me? In my underwear? You must have left early.

I think the royal baby will be called Diana She’ll be crashing into our lives any minute now.

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits untill you are 14 before it comes in your face.

Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.

My friend told me to stop singing Wonderwall… …I said maybe.

Harambe went to a bar Bartender: What can I get you today? Harambe: May I get a martini? Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice? Me: Justice for Harambe.

What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeno business.

A new prisoner meets Elsa in his new cell… A new prisoner meets Elsa in a cell in the prison. He asks her: “Why are you here?” And Elsa answers: “Because they don’t let me go.”