Why was the snowman smiling? …he saw a snowblower coming up the street.

Best Man speech joke help Hi Everyone, Mu buddy is getting married on Indepedence Day and need some help for a good joke for the speech. I am the best man.

ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don’t you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one

No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero.

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

So a bar walks into a guy ‘s asshole and the guy is like “Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!”

What’s another name for a hemorrhoid? A cock blocker

New job I recently got a new job assisting a one-armed typist with capital letters. It was shift work

I bet the hardest thing about being a gangsta rapper is never being able to really enjoy a scone in public.

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None They don’t make Pampers small enough.