A macaroni and cheese based meal assisted a burger thief. The meal was a hamburglar helper.

Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher? He only had one pupil.

How did you get out of Iraq? Iran

My roommate recently had me added to her insurance. Not what I was thinking of when we spoke about friends with benefits.

Smiling is disencoursged in my country. It isn’t illegal but it is frowned upon.

People who don’t understand what I’m trying to say are anti-semantics.

Watching Grey’s Anatomy teaches me that if I’m really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.

My girlfriend said period jokes aren’t funny… So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you’re mad