The last person who bought golden oreos at my Neighborhood’s Walgreens and realized there was an entire row missing. I’m so sorry..

Why did the palm tree win the plant race? It was the first to Sago.

What does your girlfriend and my garage have in common? I pull out of both of them.

I hate being bipolar It’s awesome

Cat: Meow Me: Hi Cat: Meoww *picks up cat* Cat: Meowww *puts cat down* Cat: Meowwww *feeds cat* Cat: Meowwwww Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

apparently syriza gained a lot of support for a NO vote with a online meme campaign beware of greeks bearing GIFs, i say.

Today was… … the best day of the year

I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.

Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!

Q: Did you hear about the burned down tree? A: It was ash.