Why did the hipster… Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the hot coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.

What’s a woman’s favourite brand of Applejack? Dickson Cider

Roses are red… Roses are red Violets are red Trees are red Shit my garden is on fire!

Why is the mushroom so popular? Because he’s such a fungi.

The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something.

While working at a lab, I accidentally put a q-tip that had been exposed to pulmonary tuberculosis in my mouth I consumed consumption.

What road do crazy people take? The Pyscho**path**

I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I’m lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.

If I was Penguin’s attorney I’d request bail by saying “He’s no flight risk!” Then Hi-5 the whole courtroom but Batman. I’d leave him hangin

got so drunk last night that I ate a salad