Probably the worst & the best thing about having King Kong go crazy in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.

What do you call a blond standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath.

I always appreciate a good pun, but never geographical ones There’s Norway I’d sink Oslo as that

There’s no harm in Pretending to smoke cigarettes

My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.

Customer: Waiter I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.

Yo mama so stupid she tried to put her m&ms; in alphabetical order.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also sharks, giant isopods, oil spills, Flight 370, and Somali pirates.

Just got a blow job in the elevator. It was a pleasure on many levels

Why didn’t Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat? She wanted to wash up on shore