I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I’ve turned myself around

I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.

HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

Whats grosser then gross? Shoving 12 oysters up your grandmothers vagina and sucking out 13.

Pet Insurance Hey baby. Do you have pet insurance? Because I’m about to destroy your pussy!

I know a great joke about a FedEx plane but it’s probably over your head.

What do you call a pallbearer from Oklahoma? A Karaoke

Like prison, most don’t learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.

Men are like bank accounts. Without money they won’t generate much interest.