What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!

Where does the General keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

Why doesn’t a chicken wear underwear? Because his pecker is on his face!

Light a fire for a man and keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.

What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party? Falafel and hummus.

There is only one pretty child in the world… and every mother has it.

When a cop pulls you over, never start a sentence with, “This may be the alcohol talking, but…” Trust me on this one.

What’s the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road? The dead cat has skid marks around it.

Manslaughter: The sound a man makes when laughing.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds. In fact, don’t bite anyone’s hand you fucking weirdo.