Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?

My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like “Who are you?” and “Why are you hiding outside my house?” and “My wife is calling the police.”

A muslim arrives in paradise. He demands his 72 virgins but it turns out there just aren’t enough women in heaven. He insists on his virgins. So he’s given 72 female babies made in China.

What’s the most dangerous animal in the world? A Bluebird with a Tommy Gun.

What do you call a fat female host of a talk radio show about fishing? A broadcasting broad casting broad.

From John bishops only joking Did you hear about the local blender company? They went into liquidation

How many minutes after someone’s fired is it cool to take their stapler?

What do you get when you cut an Avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces? a guacaMOLE

Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon. Talk about getting everyone’s hopes up.

What is a whale’s favorite song? Shout.