I used to have a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner, because it’s 90 degrees.

Why are DJ’s so bad at fishing? Because they’re always dropping the Bass.

About to finish my second book of the day! And when I say book, I really mean magazine. And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza.

What’s the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner? One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.

There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!

What did the polygamist horse get on his wedding night? A double bridle

My wife was excited after my vasectomy. She said it was a load off of her chest.^.(stole ^off ^imgur, ^sowwie)

What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs? “Well, this was a waste of Thyme.”

Boss made me put a nametag over my left bosom. I leaned over and said, “Now, what shall we name the other one?”