Cheap 1st Date Ideas: Get some matching Red Polo shirts & hang out in a Target. Give terrible info to inquisitive costumers.

Incest! A game for the whole family

Why did the condom cross the road? Because he was pissed off.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Like my Uncle used to say, the best part of Twenty one year olds… …is there’s twenty of them.

Coming soon to NBC: She’s a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn’t play by the rules. And he’s a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down.

Yes officer, I did hit a pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I’ve missed?

How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks? On the rocks

“And why do you want to work at the aquarium?” * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish

April Fool’s Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.