In my free time I help blind children I usually find throwing pencils is the most efficient method

[galileo’s wife walks in] *quickly pointing the telescope from the neighbor’s window to the sky* i was just studying the… phases of venus.

Why the fuck did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn’t get arrays. Hahah get it? arrays(a raise?) No..? 🙁

If you are what you eat… Then i really am an innocent little girl.

Who’s the greatest baller of all time? Pontius Pilate, he once crossed a guy up so bad he died

Kinky = using a feather. Perverted = using the whole chicken.

Why is chili so annoying? Because it’s always Jalopeno business.

Went to shave my beard but decided not to, the longer I keep it, the more it grows on me. Sure this is old but actually thought this the other day.

A better world I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That is a trick question, feminists can’t change anything.