If you’re the guard at a Samsung store … Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?

My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!

Children’s laughter can be a wonderful thing Unless its 2AM and you don’t have any kids.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last great hit was the wall.

“Ebola” is trending on Twitter… …does that mean it’s gone viral?

Looking up at his wife, he asked, “Honey, Do I have trouble making up my own mind?”

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It was a shih tzu

My life story is just like “Eat Pray Love” but without the last two.

Why are Eskimos always alone? Because they like being ice-olated

When someone says Jesus was a virgin …I have to laugh. How about that one time he got nailed by a bunch of Romans?