sir do u know why I pulled u over? “actually yes officer I do, im a psychic. but DO YOU know why you’ll beat me with your club in 1 minute”

What do you call a hippopotamus with an STD? A herpepotamus.

Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I’m so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.

What song do isis members play during executions Burn baby burn

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine? A: She demanded $200000 and a parachute.

My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I’m clearing out my desk

What happens to deposed kings? They get throne away.

Have you guys heard about the new store called moderation? *They have everything there!*

Why did the girl reject the landfill owner? His place is a dump

What’s a four letter word for “a butt load of fun”? Anal