My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard & they’re like “How did your milkshake develop a gravitational pull that was gender specific?”

Why is it a long and expensive process for fruit to get married They just cantelope

PET PEEVE: Why do we call them baby names? They’re HUMAN NAMES. They don’t expire as you grow up.

What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.

What do anal sex and bungee jumping have in common? If the rubber breaks, you’re in the shit.

A Jewish boy ask to borrow a $20 from his father. His father replies, “$10?!?! What on earth do you need $5 for!

If you watch COPS backwards it’s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs

Can’t wait for the next Jason Bourne movie. I heard he becomes a Christian and starts a church for ex-treadstone agents… It’s called Bourne Again

If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattering Then halloween and thanksgiving would fall on the same day

A morbid joke If serial killers kill people in series, are suicide bombers parallel killers?