“Give me your Vitamin Water and your organic gluten-free cookies unless there’s peanuts in them because I’m allergic.” – 2012 school bully

You know you’ve overplayed Mario Kart 64 when the next morning you Instinctively swerve to avoid a banana skin on the road.

I’m pretty sure our nanny’s grandmother has died like seven times now……

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

My mom never liked Bill Cosby’s jokes. She says they put her to sleep.

Why can’t the pirate get to any subreddits? He keeps typing /arrr/

Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales… They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex? I’ll be home in 20 minutes.

What do call groups of the 5 most dangerous animals? A troop of gorillas A shiver of sharks A streak of tigers A band of Indians And a gang of niggers.

What is a goal keepers favourite snack ? Beans on post !