How does Bran Stark get into a whorehouse? Hodor.

Hubby’s head seems like it’s almost twice the size of mine. We are never having children.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 8 days because she hates it when I interrupt her

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses.

I had a near-life experience…I nearly quit Facebook.

Went to the doctor’s office for my flu shot. He promised it wouldn’t hurt… Insensitive prick.

Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold? I dunno I just fly the drone…..

Why don’t Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin’ with Raven.

Got kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond today for drawing pictures of Drake on their blankets, so they’d be extra soft.