I got my car crime-colored. It’s black on black.

Einstein made a theory about space… It was about time too.

New bum For my birthday, I’m asking for a new bum. My old one’s got a crack in it

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building? Te-quil-a

The NHL’s ability to punish players.

I wish I was poor one day in my life… Because being poor everyday sucks…

Everything is funnier… Everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh. *holds a giggle in* [http://minestatus.co/post.php?id=630]

Ebola is in Dallas? At least the Dallas Cowboys don’t have to worry about it. They can’t catch anything.

I’ll have a whiskey please. “Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.” Sorry, a McWhiskey.

When there are no volunteers, they get appointed.