What is the best thing to wear with a Michel Jackson jacket? Your Billie Jeans

What do women and turds have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: “Occupation?” The German replies: “No, no, just visiting.”

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right But two Wrights make an airplane

“there’s only one thing to do when you’re Zero Dark Thirsty” *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

Shit happens. Just flush the toilet and move on.

Guy: I don’t deserve you. Girl: Awwwww…you’re so sweet… Guy: I don’t mean that in a good way.

Honey, what is the name of that German that hides things around the house? Alzheimer grandma, Alzheimer!

And then Satan said, “save time ~ respond to her text with a K.”

Nothing worse than wasting a good mood by being around family.