Why did the hipster die? He thought breathing was too mainstream

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bison ! Bison who ? Bison girl scout cookies !

I lost 20 pounds in England last summer. How much is that in American dollars?

If you play a Coldplay song backwards, you’ll hear a lot of creepy, Satanic chanting in Latin But if you play a Coldplay song the normal way, you’ll hear something much worse. A Coldplay song.

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating? A re-lotion-ship.

Two individuals decide to spend Ramadan together… They were fast friends!

I don’t believe Trump when he says he doesn’t smoke In the past 2 months I’ve seen him smoke 2 Cubans.

Cooking is like Sex Sometimes it’s Hot and Fast! Other times it’s Slow and Sexy .. I can’t cook

It is said that Bill Gates once farted in an Apple store which stank up the entire place. But after all, it’s their fault for not having Windows.

After I beat my dad in Go Fish, I like to shit in my underwear to celebrate. -My son, apparently