Knock knock knock knock knock. Who’s there? Michael J Fox

I got sacked from my job at the Clock Factory. I just stood around making faces all day.

I’m ready to start a family, in the sense that I have enough chip clips for 6 people.

I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria. I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.

A math teacher ought to be president… To make America integrate again.

What if someone was called zelnut Then I’d be like hey zelnut

Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field.

What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? The oyster farmer shucks between fits…

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.

what do you do if life gives you lemonade? make lemons out of it and life will be like whaaaat?!?