“By night’s end, one of these teams will be the victor.” Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead.

Most people love a good munch box Lunch*

I was recently at an antiques store. I picked up a lamp and a genie popped out. He said “I will grant you one wish, you can either have a long memory or a long penis” I forget my response.

“You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs” – jerk chicken

What’s longer than most relationships these days? This status.

Hooker What did the guy say to the hooker after he was finished? Well I’m going to leave it with you!

I’m currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson’s and kleptomania. We’re going to take things slow.

“GOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL” -Soccerates

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used.

when you move to a new town everyone wants to date you because they don’t know you’re a piece of shit yet. i highly recommend it.