What do you call a woman in Thailand? A three-legged lady

Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.

A girl asked her brother If he could help her move her stuff to her new house and he refused and she asked him why He said he couldn’t be her brother and assister too

Sometimes I’ll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don’t have to hear her talk.

Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.

What kind of online videos do fish love to watch? Hardcore prawn

What is your favorite one to two line joke? Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!

Friends with benefits who are bad at sex …are hard to come by.

Katy Perry is like the girl in the Sexy GirlScout costume at the Halloween party who pretends to like sports, makes blowjob jokes and cries.

Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich Me: …