I’m not high! – high people I’m not drunk! – drunk people I’m not lying! – lying people I’m not gay! – my brother

Friend: “This is the year I’m going to marry my best friend.” Me: “This is the year I’m going to train my dog to come when I call him.”

What would a piggy-bank say if it could talk? Coink! Coink!

Hey my American friend, I heard you like Football jersey’s so I got you the new Irish Kit!! *Um, Bro?*

Despite other issues one aspect of Pokemon Go is perfect: You’re always encountering new and interesting bugs.

So my husband asked me if I anted a boob job… I replied “How much does it pay?”

What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.

Why are their no jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? Because the punchline is to long

First trick or treater of the day just came round dressed as Gloria Gaynor At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

Happy Birthday Tupac! He would’ve been 72 today if Dick Cheney hadn’t shot him in his face.