Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom.

What do you call a French sandal? Philippe Flop!

? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly There’s a robbery in progress Suspect is white & in his 50s And high on gluuue ?

How do you make an archaeologist blush? [repost for spelling] You hand him a dirty tampon and ask him what period it’s from!

What’s the most important part about making a Pokemon joke? The Exeggution!

Someone told me today that I’m pretentious… Moi!?!?

Alarming new research into the growing sleep epidemic Over 99% of people are now addicted to sleep, admitting they engage in sleep at least twice a week, most say they couldn’t live without it

Next time my cat has some friends over, I’m going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it.

To Brie or not to Brie. That is the queso.

What do you call an overpriced and overhyped game? No Man’s Sky.