That awkward moment when someone adds you on Facebook, but never says hi in real life.

Why did the lion get lost? Because jungle is massive

God: Noah, I need an ark. Noah: Why don’t you ask Joseph, the carpenter? God: Uh [huge grin] cos I’m banging his wife? [raises hand] up top?

Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge? To avoid car-pool tunnel!

Batman: I told you, if it’s mine you have to say bat before it.. Like bat-mobile, bat-arang.. Doctor: Fine, you have bat-herpes

They’re dying the Chicago River blue in honor of the Cubs win… It’s the first time it will be blue since the French got there.

What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits a car’s windshield? Its butt!

Ask /r/personalfinance to draw you a line, they deliver a circle. They always make ends meet!

85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the “she” in her story is.

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common? Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.