Old people at weddings always poke me and say your next So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

Have you ever heard of the lost Indian tribe the Halarwi? they walk around the forest saying “were the halarwi”

A guy is driving home thinking to himself…. if I was in a joke right now, what would the punch line be? Long story or short, he gets in a car accident and dies.

I think I burn most my calories at the gym untangling headphones.

to be Frank, i would have to change my name.

I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

Abortion… …it brings out the kid in you.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw

[puts scarf on snowman] Girl: to keep u warm Snowman: I am made of snow. G: omg you’re alive! S: ok but lets get past that. are you stupid

What do you call a red-headed baker? A Ginger-bread man