What is Hitler’s least favorite drink? Orange Jews

Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as “Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.”

A sissy in a Prius terrormobile tried to race me at a stop sign. Had him for the first 100 feet, but a fella can only walk so fast. Merica.

The words ‘selfie’ and ‘twerk’ have been added to the dictionary this year while ‘charm’ and ‘dignity’ have been removed.

A king gets murdered in his sleep… Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king’s chest. One the servants turns to the other and says “Wow, he must have had a bad knight.”

Did you hear about the statistician’s party? The dress code was causal.

It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So, hate fun or have a fat face, your choice.

A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested “You can’t eat me ? I’m the manager!” “Well” said the cannibal “soon you’ll be a manager in chief.”

Q: Why did the suspenders get arrested? A: Because they held up a pair of pants.

Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I’m too dumb to understand what it means. Let’s see how he likes the name Microphallus