If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.

What did one Casket say to the other Casket? “Is that you Coffin?”

Today I found my first grey pubic hair… I got really excited, but not as much as the other people on the bus.

Jokes about vaginas are disgusting… Period.

Dallas Cowboys Why do you have to repeat things you say to Dez Bryant? He doesn’t always catch it the first time.

I know you didn’t sneeze. I said “God bless you” because your baby is ugly.

Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out? Because it goes right out of your head.

Someone you don’t care about just listened to a song you don’t like on Spotify!

So my great-grandpa died at Auschwitz…. An overused joke fell on top of him and crushed him.

Just phished Forest Gump’s Facebook password, it’s: 1Forest1