I know a guy who collects candy canes… …they are all in mint condition.

Whose son was Edward the Black Prince ? Old King Coal !

What do you call a guy who always phones people? Colin.

What is a parrot’s favorite game ? Hide and Speak !

My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.

On my 5 year old’s report card it said, “He is encouraged to ask more questions”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

I went to the store to get 6 cans of sprite… Ended up picking 7up

They say alcohol cures everything, but that’s a lie… It still hasn’t cured my alcoholism.

Question: What river separates China and India? Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

This morning I saw an ad offering ‘help’ to people contemplating suicide Which confused me, because the industry has banned ads for cigarettes, but apparently they have no qualms with murder.