What did the vampire say to the werewolf after discovering its blood is inedible? “Fangs for nothing!”

Me: It’s not often that a single guy like me gets a home cooked meal. Her: Why don’t you get married? Me: I’ve never been that hungry.

Internet explorer… The best browser for downloading a new browser

My girlfriend is so ungrateful. Whenever I give her an orgasm… … she just spits it out.

What is green and smells like paint? Green paint.

My wife bought me Dunkin Donuts k-cups for my Keurig… Now, it’s like I finally have an Indian in the Cupboard.

Why did the sperm cross the road? I wore the wrong socks.

When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response? I like to be prepared.

What do you call a cheese that’s not yours? My cheese!

The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house………I got the outside.