How can you tell if a clock is hungry? it goes back 4 seconds

I got a paper cut writing my suicide note… its a start

Sex can make your day But anal can make your hole weak

Why did the string theorist return his vacuum cleaner It was only the standard model

What is President Clinton’s favourite game? Swallow the leader.

There are 10 types of people in the world… Those that can read binary and those that can’t.

To impress women by coming across as a bit of a bad lad, I always tell them I’m in human trafficking. Which isn’t a total lie as I’m a lollipop man.

Why are Mafia members so good at sex? Because they’ve always got a stiff in the trunk.

Why do presidents have unsatisfied wives? It takes four years to get an election.

Its been almost ten years so I feel I can make this joke now. What did inhabitants of an island in South-East Thailand say when they saw a tsunami approaching? Oh, Phuket!