Schooner or later, sailors… …engage in rudder nonsense.

Three men walk into a bar… The fourth one ducks.

What do you call a demon that lives in your butt? An ass-soul

What do you call a symphony where everyone plays at the same time instead of taking turns? An *and*chestra.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes….. …that way when you criticize them you are a mile away, and have their shoes.

During sex im like a high energy photon hitting the Earth’s atmosphere… I come fast and dont penetrate very far! … ayyyyy!

A man walks into the doctor’s office wearing nothing but cellophane (saran-wrap). Dr. says, “Clearly I can see your nuts!”

What’s the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea? I’m not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

Yes… I retweet. Isn’t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit… But that’s your fault…

Amazing how easily that guy scaled Trump Tower. Thank God u can’t get suction cups in Mexico cause then wall idea would be really stupid.