My wife says I’m too nosy. At least that’s what she said in her diary.

My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking ‘with each other’ was the wrong response.

In the game of poker, you have to play the hand you’re dealt. Unless it’s a literal hand. Then it’s a redeal.

Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said “bc time killed the dinosaurs.” My kids are never leaving home are they

Why did Serj Tankian cross the road? because he wanted to…

So i was taking a picture of you and your mom and i had to ask your mom to step aside Because I only have 5GB space left on my phone.

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!

Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big…NSFW Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big dick? *when the person says: ‘no what’* I do

I’m setting more realistic New Year’s resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing my wife.

Donald Trump The joke’s in the title.