What do you call a broken can-opener? A can’t opener.

I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don’t you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!

I like walking up to any bald guy wearing sunglasses and saying “Excuse me but I’m supposed to meet a guy named Pitbull here, are you him?”

How long did it take Goku to change a lightbulb? 20 Episodes and Krillin dies.

Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? He doesn’t want anybody to know he fuc%ing the chicken

Sikh turban dude

Whats the only free food you will get from a Nigerian scammer? Spam.

The Bible says Jesus used a whip to drive out the money lenders… I wonder if they called it his “Miracle Whip”?

There’s no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can’t do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I’ve tried.

Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.