My Dad never loved me as a child I should have worn more provocative clothing.

No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Can’t be done, it’s a hardware problem.

I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I’m in.

As a guy, it’s not that I have anything against psychiatric wards… I’m just afraid of commitment.

Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal? “I’ll have a panda please” [judge, under his breath] Can he do that?

There’s nobody in this world who gives LESS of a FUCK about helping you and your problem than a person working in customer service.

Advice tip for people: 1 stick hand in glue 2 stick hand in feather 3 now you are like bird. Impress your friend.

What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days? Her husband’s salary.

I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig .. It’s not a beautiful poem but it’s really deep.