I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he’s at work, but I can’t decide what outfit to put on the cat.

Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school

Why does the Mexican man chain his dog away before the mailman comes? Because his panics.

He died doing what he loved: almost crossing the street.

An employee and her boss are having sex. Boss: Do you want to change positions? Employee: Uh yeah. Can I be the Assistant Manager?

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that? Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week… He never called me back.

How do gingers make friends? No seriously, im getting lonely.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. Am I doing this right?

What’s the difference between an onion and a hooker? I cry when I cut up onions