You guys know any Sodium jokes? Na.

I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they’re going to expire in 2017.

Maybe it’s just the mushrooms talking, but I should probably write down everything they say.

Scientists Find Zika Might Be Transmitted by Oral Sex The study suggests a little head may result in a little head.

Donald Trump gets elected Oops thought i was on r/nosleep

If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they’ll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.

A blonde walks into a library… No, that’s it. That’s the joke.

A gay guy punched me the other day for no reason. Why? Because gay guys are fucking assholes. I’ll show myself out.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the BOOOOze.

At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.