The average human body contains enough human bones to make up an entire human skeleton.

If we were really supposed to give up alcohol or Lent, they wouldn’t have put St. Patrick’s Day in the middle of it.

Advice to the worm Sleep in late!

I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers… But there’s no pun in ten dead.

My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn’t destroy my phone

Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT

Hard work pays off in in the future Laziness pays off now

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana? High Street, of course.

Godzilla on his smartphone, googling ‘How many carbs does Tokyo have’