My doctor said no more drinking. so I froze my alcohol into cubes and ate them.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to eat your sandwiches.

What did the Mexican family get for Christmas? Deported

Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it.

In a parallel universe, Two bars walk into a man.

Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn’t have an earring.

What time does Sean Connery like to go to Wimbledon at? Tenish.

Jeff and Don are singing deck the halls…. When they both suddenly die part way through the song. They are reincarnated as ass-less chaps. Jeff looks over and says: “Don, we now are gay apparel.”

I call my dick Ambidextrous Because I fuck girls left and right.

What music do they play in a mexican bathroom? Earth wind and fire