My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind .

A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on a slow day Cop: “I’ve been waiting for you all day.” Driver: “Sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could.”

The Columbine basketball team hasn’t been the same… Since they lost their two best shooters

If Emblem were a bad employee… Would you Fire Emblem?

How did Captain Hook die ? He wiped his ass with the wrong hand.

What did the maggot say to another ? What’s a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !

2 paedophiles on a beach. One says to the other…. “Can you get out of my son please?”

What are we gonna do with all this extra cocaine? The previous sentence has never been spoken in the history of earth

Who is in cowboy films and is always broke? Skint Eastwood.

So I got into a fight with a midget the other day… He was stood next to my girlfriend and said her hair smells nice.