A guy on the bus asked me if I had any Sodium Hypobromite… I said NaBrO.

What do 7 million Chevy’s have in common? I don’t recall.

North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention.

Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.

What is the most sensitive part on mans body while he is masturbating. His ears.

Old folks use to poke me at weddings and say your next so… I started doing it back to them…at funerals.

What does 90 year old pussy taste like? …..Depends.

What do you call a right angle that gets beaten into a long square? A rekt angle

Him: you’re so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me Me: that’s really sweet Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse

The shortest way to piss off a hipster… Apple phone & iwatch