What do you call a short, round-bellied Salarian? Mordin Volus

The biggest lie “I have read the terms and conditions”

“Half a dozen” because saying 6′ is way too long…

How come old clothes are “vintage” but old people are “nasty over-entitled thugs whose blind selfishness mortgaged America’s future”

What does Jeb Bush have in common with a threesome? A lot of people think three bushes is one bush too many.

Q: What’s the difference between one yard and two yards? A: A fence.

I was going to write a joke about Kim kardashian’s orifices, but they’ve all been done.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

99% Indians work on the Principle of Rockets. It doesn’t mean we aim for the sky. It means, we don’t start work unless our tail is on fire

Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.