In pretty sure my wife’s most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags.

What’s the richest kind of air? A millionaire.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings. You could say I have a complex complex complex.

[Amphibian Playground] BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog! TEACHER SNAKE: i’ll handle this *eats everyone*

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Prince’s housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.

I’m surprised God doesn’t make Christian Rock Bands sound better.

How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

“So where are you from?” – I’m a Liberian “Oh sorry *whispers* where are you from?”