What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. – Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid.

Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was supposed to boot up the system.

Yes Pony Express? I ordered a pony 27 minutes ago and I still didn’t get it. What kind of fast food joint do you run here?

The recipe said “prick with a fork,” but enough about me.

Paradox Corporation just opened. They’re doing everything they can to go out of business.

What do you call a political pig? A boar.

Tinder announced a new feature this week which gives users 37 gender options to choose from And it’s now easier than ever to avoid matching with the mentally unstable

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.

If a cannibal ate a comedian… …that could lead to some funny shit

How about a meat that is also a dental floss? Pitch for prosciutto