You know what I really like about you, girl? You’re really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha

What keyboard layout does Miley Cyrus use? TWERQY.

I scream, you scream, we all scream because we just witnessed a horrific highway wreck with multiple fatalities.

I found out why amphibious cars never caught on. They were always getting toad.

What do you call a gay avatar? A bender.

You’re fat. Fatty.

Bay: come over Me: no, I’m watching TMNT Bay: I made one too Me: but it’s awful Bay: come watch it Me: who gave you my number, Michael

No, sweetie. You can’t see the moon with vernaculars.

What’s a terrorist’s favorite game? Jenga

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!